Today I want to talk about the second of the four muscles: Persistence.
In working with horses of all backgrounds, I have had to learn persistence. It is not something that comes naturally to me as I would much rather try something once and if it doesn’t work, move on.
Sometimes a horse will have deep seated issues that can’t be resolved overnight.
I have had some very shut down horses come into my world over the years. Horses who are re-homed numerous times are apt to shut down and in that process, they essentially stop trying to make any sort of effort. By that I mean, they will generally choose not to bond with the herd and they will also be disengaged with humans, either extremely difficult to catch or will pose with ears pinned and other hostile body language.
In order to rehabilitate them, I had to be persistent. Many people would resort to force and that is the worst possible thing you can do. They already have huge trust issues and this will basically put the nails in the lid of the coffin of your relationship with them.
I never stop trying with these horses. I put myself in their presence, rain or shine, for however many hours (days, weeks) it takes for them to realize that I am not going away, nor am I sending them away. They eventually come around but without persistence they will not.
Many people have tried to tell me how to deal with the difficult cases and most of the advice involved using some kind of force. How do you build trust using force? To me that just builds fear and resentment and promotes the shut down behaviour.
When a horse takes those first tentative steps toward me, reaching their nose out to touch me…I cannot fully put into words how it feels.
People aren’t so different. I have known so many people who suffer behind the thickest walls because they have been hurt too many times. They close themselves off and display hostile behaviour to keep people at bay.
They will take a few tentative steps forward and then retreat behind their walls because even the thought of feeling the emotions that are inside terrifies them.
And with these people I never force anything either. I am there, present holding the space for them when they are ready to venture out into the world and begin their journey of healing.
I don’t give up easily.
Until next time…