You have found someone to love. This person has turned your world upside down and you focus all of your attention and energy on the two of you.
Somehow your plans no longer matter.
You seldom talk to your friends anymore because all you want to do is be alone with your love.
You stop doing all of the things that mean something to you.
At first it doesn’t matter because you are so wrapped up in this beautiful, new and burgeoning love. This person has set your world on fire. All of your time and energy is focused on being with your love and ensuring that they are happy. You have a beautiful future planned.
What Went Wrong?
After a while your friends stop calling. You sort of notice, but it doesn’t concern you all that much because your lover is there waiting for you.
Time passes and all of a sudden you realise that you are with a human being and not perfection. This person who you once idolised has human emotions, and flaws. He or she is not perfect and now you feel like you need some space but your friends don’t call, you lost your mojo and you begin to feel depressed.
You sit at home and your energy begins to decrease as your restlessness and discontent grows. You and your perfect partner begin to have arguments, you go and sleep on the couch. Days go by where you aren’t talking. You feel small, alone and isolated.
“Why am I so miserable? I have become a shadow of who I used to be. How did I not notice what I was doing?”
This is more common than most people think. I too, lost myself when I got involved with my first BIG LOVE. I ditched all of my friends and became solely focused on my relationship. People commented and I brushed them off.
When the “honeymoon” was over (usually around 18 months to 2 years in), I noticed that my friends no longer called and I felt too ashamed to reconnect so I completely built my life around my partner and forgot about me.
I was young and this set the stage for how I operated in my life.
So what happens when you get lost?
How do you reconnect with you? If you have become a shadow of yourself, even your partner will have likely noticed. When they met you, you were vibrant, independent and interesting. Now you are subdued, moody, maybe even boring.
Ask yourself the question, would you want to be with you?
Next, grab a journal and write down all of the things that you love to do, then write down how many of those things you are actually doing.
Write down all of the qualities that you would like to see in your ideal relationship. Compare that to what you are actually experiencing.
This exercise will give you a tangible idea of just far how far you have drifted off your path. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed to fail, but odds are it won’t last if you continue on in this fashion. Remember, you both deserve to be happy and two happy people can only enhance each others lives.
Recognition is step one. Now the real work begins. I can help you to get back on track and give you some solid strategies on how to stay the course and not slip back into your old habits. It’s time to unleash your brilliance. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation at www.kellykaycoaching.com.
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